Affiong - As the rising of the Sun
"You have to never give up on your dreams. Find the strength to get back up every single time..."
Hi everyone. I trust this post meets you all well and in a cheerful mood. I am in a good mood, albeit sleepy but we move. Thank you all for the love on the last post and Ziola. Also I am happy to report that Irene and I have made up and are still in love. She said “You know I don't believe that true friendship is without misunderstanding. It actually makes friendship stronger”. Ah, mature friendships are life goals. I am grateful.
Today, I am sharing the inspiring journey of fertility that is Affiong’s AKA Afie. It was quite something to listen to/read and I do not believe I can do justice to it at one go without missing a beat and one dot must not be glossed over, it is too important. So, this shall be in two parts.
I have been wanting to share Affiong’s story for so long. To think I did not even know a quarter of it. In April 2019, Afie sent me a message to say God has done it Nnenna. I did not need to ask what because I knew what that meant. I knew Afie was on a journey with her reproductive health. I did not know the details and I did not ask because …obviously it is a difficult journey for anyone. So, receiving that news brought tears to my eyes. She was on compulsory bed rest, so I went to “touch the hem of her garment”. I am quoting from the text I sent in 2019. (Side eyes Mobola who deletes messages immediately she reads them.) The best news? Three babies. One, two, three!!! This for someone with the diagnosis “diminished ovarian reserve due to aggressive endometriosis”. Let me walk you through our warrior queen’s journey.
If you have read any other posts, you’d be familiar with the correlation between endometriosis and excruciating pain, and it is no different for Afie. She had such horrible pains that it was normal for her to end up in the sick bay every month when her periods arrived. She lived with the pain all through teen years into adulthood assuming it to be normal rites for a woman. She said, “people would look at her and ask why she could not just behave herself when she was on her period”.
In 2012, Afie got married and started trying for a family naturally unaware that her journey would require assistance. In December of 2013, in excruciating pain, she called the hospital and was rushed in with an ambulance. It was during this ordeal that she started hearing such interesting words like “degenerating fibroids, endometriosis’ and more. Her pain was managed, and she was told scar tissues were the cause. In a bid to help this situation, she embarked on herbal remedies - Aloe Vera, Moringa and many green concoctions. She also sought a second opinion which had the same results and so it begins.
Afie had a laparoscopic surgery to address these issues and was advised to “get pregnant immediately” to improve her chances and so she optimistically started her first IVF cycle. It was not successful. She notes here how painful this process was and how it left her feeling utterly drained and defeated. She also mentions how people, not knowing what she was going through would carelessly opine “You want to be doing fine girl, you better go and give birth”. Gosh, I cannot for the life of me understand this mess. I do not know why people have to offer opinions. why oh why. I’ll digress here, one of my aunts once told me to go and marry and stop gallivanting round the world in the name of work. I did not know when I replied, but Aunty you’ve been married for so long and you are barely surviving your marriage, so, is this advice really necessary? She doesn’t like me anymore and I do not miss anything. Ta, be gone.
Anyway, Afie took a year off to allow her body recover from the IVF as well as embarking on Naprotechnology Creighton fertility method, for added measure. One of the things I love about writing these stories must be the things I learn. Which one is this again please? According to my mild research, this is the standardized observation of menstrual and fertility cycles using the Creighton Model FertilityCare System for gynecologic health maintenance. It is close one on one work with a trained physician to unravel the mysteries of the menstrual and fertility cycle. Afie states that beyond IVF, she wanted to find out what was going on in her reproductive system, so she had daily check in detailing everything she felt or experienced each day. This was stressful she recalls, and even thinking of it has me stressed out. she also began additional fertility injections, not related to IVF. She recalls a really painful episode from these injections that had her rushed into the hospital for pain management.
In 2016, the scar tissues returned. She states ”I could not believe my ears”. She was physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Her voice breaks in recollection. She says, “you cannot go through this journey without a heavy dose of faith, a deep belief in God, loving support from friends and prayers”. She decided to seek medical help abroad to get a different perspective. The hospital in the US gave her an initial bill of $100,000. (Sprinkles the blood of Jesus all around, whoosh). Eventually she found a hospital in Europe where she flew to late 2016. Here, she was diagnosed with stage four endometriosis. The doctors stated that her ovaries, tubes and pelvis had adhesions all over, a frozen pelvis it is called. I had never heard of this too so I hit google again. This happens when adhesions “glue” pelvic organs together or wrap around organs in women battling endometriosis. Basically, all her tubes were mangled together and the doctors informed her there was a zero chance of natural conception. She uses drained again to describe how she felt but I reckon it was far worse. It has to be. Post surgery, she was asked to begin trying immediately via IVF which she paid for but quickly realized she could not bring herself to undergo. She was exhausted and rightfully so. She ended up taking a year off to mentally prepare for the next cycle.
At the end of 2017, she felt ready to begin the IVF process and began treatment but hit another snag, an endometrial cyst was discovered. She was told she could not commence further treatment as a result of it and would need yet another surgery to remove the cyst. Yes, a third one. She lost it, screaming at the doctor “How is this possible? What did I do? Who did I offend? Sigh. I must say here that I know the strongest women in this life. I cannot believe I was blissfully unaware on this. I mean, how does one do daily life, undergoing such trauma with a smile on her face. She vehemently rejected this surgery, she had had it. She had a boldness in her spirit that most definitely stems from her faith. Financially and physically, she was incapable of going through this process again. This began her journey to ruthlessly editing her lifestyle and reading the book “It starts with the eggs”. This is quite the book; I am reading it at the moment and it has me rethinking my lifestyle o. Cue, Microwaves, plastic and BPA amongst many things.
I am going to leave things here for today and not overload your head and emotions. I recognize that heavy posts can be triggering. Next week, I’d share more on Afie’s journey, from her lifestyle changes, her next IVF cycle, her pregnancy and what it was like birthing her triplets. I will also share excerpts from the book mentioned above for those who are too lazy to read it, Lol. I am teasing o. I know it’s not an easy find except you like eBooks or are “in the abroad’. The one thing I’d leave you with is this link on the effects of cigarette smoke and Shisha on your eggs. Check here. This is that aunty I mentioned in a prior post with the deep H-factor counselling on improving egg quality. Let she who has ears, HEAR. I am shook. I want to give a shoutout to all “Sango’s wives, myself included puffing away on shisha and for some, other interesting socially acceptable medications. Let’s do better. Ah. Please Lord, we have sinned. Mercy!!!!
Thank you all for reading and sharing. I know this still ends up in your promotions or spam tab. Do mark as ‘not spam’ so you’d get it directly in your inbox. Also share as much as you can. We need people to be comfortable speaking about life. I do not want to go through life unaware of your struggles. You need a tribe too. If you stumbled across this post and feel the need to share your journey, kindly email hello@ourwombs.com and I’d be in touch. Subscribe here to be in the know and follow on Instagram @ourwombs.
Bye for now.
Affiong - As the rising of the Sun
Interesting read as always Nnenna, thanks for sharing. And I will get that book ☺️
Thanks Nnenna for sharing messages of hope and resilience. Love always.