I wanted to sneak back in quietly and just write another womb journey. Afterall, it is easier to ignore the fact that I absconded and "abandoned" writing. Not just here at Ourwombs, I personally have not found the mental bandwidth to journal in almost two months. A whole two months for what used to be a daily exercise?
This is EPIC, a systemic breakdown of some sorts especially as I only process life clearly when I write...
There have been so many moving parts in my life lately. Everything is happening and I am struggling a bit. So I am taking things one day at a time and trying not to be anxious. Today meets me at 41,000 feet with space to breathe and a notes app on my phone to write...so here I am.
I hope everyone has been well?
As I reflect now, I must accept that I do not recognize writing as a blessing which is why I am quick to drop it when other "blessings" derail me. When Chinelo and Oge asked me recently why I have not written, I started with excuses but landed on that revelation.
I have taken writing for granted. I do not appreciate deeply the gift of capturing emotions into words. I do not also feel the need to be accountable as well.
When life is happening at a faster pace, we drop the ball on things. What you drop is indicative of what you prioritize.
I clearly have not prioritised being here nor being present in my mind.
Let me segway a bit, I have been reading a book called "Psycho - Cybernetics" in a quest to rewire my brain, be more aware and develop new habits. It states that you imbibe habits/ inspire change by becoming the person the change produces, not by setting goals. It also notes that there is no difference neurologically between an imagination and a past experience. Your brain simply does not know the difference. You literally can imagine yourself into an experience and your brain will believe it has experienced it.
For example, I make excuses to exercise every single day. I find this amazing because in my former self, I was exercise obsessed, running up and down, boxing, lighting truck tyres and just being a problem. Now look at me with my prpud one pack. I just polished off Hummus and Tabbouleh with bread in transit. Enemies, I hail thee.
Anyway, using my learnings from the book, I don't set a goal to exercise 5 times a week. Goals are actually hindering, you either smash them or they emphasize your failures. Now, I literally imagine myself sweaty after a fantastic workout session, I imagine the endorphins coursing through my veins making me satiated, I imagine myself as a disciplined person who honours her body and I imagine my abs greeting me in the mirror every morning. Then I get my lazy arse up and go and be that person. Sometimes...loll. Shit isn't fail proof.
So with writing, I need to accept that I am a writer. This is not a hobby, this is not me stealing the title from great writers who cross check every punctuation and use elaborate words to sound more intelligent. This is my life and even I scribble on post it notes, it is what it is . One who writes is a writer...or maybe not. Because not everyone who sings...especially in the bathroom is a singer...Lol. The morale of this story is...Titles are shackles.
The exercise is working by the way, I have lost like 0.00005 kg. Lolll, I don't know for sure...I never weigh myself. There are faster ways to be sad than climbing a scale. All I know is once my abs just peek through, you are all finished in Lagos and beyond. I will be naked all the time. ALL.THE.TIME
This post is titled detox because I am encouraging myself to let go of mind shackles, over thinking things and make room for what my soul needs.
I cannot promise I will magically resume writing every week. That is so ambitious, but I promise myself I'd be mindful of the responsibility that comes with sharing other journey and how it encourages people to have hope and faith.
Joko, if you are reading this, I am sorry I harassed you to share your journey and then ghosted since June. I will make good use of my time to bring your journey to life.
Some good news, Toyin had a baby!!! Hypothyroidism be damned!
And Chinekwu who is an avid supporter of my writing, also had a baby. I cannot wait to share her journey soon.
For everyone who is holding on to hope for the miracle of little ones...May grace find you in your place of wait and may this too come to be. Amen
Finally, as you all know, I am passionate about periods and wombs and all things women. I am particularly passionate about providing sanitary products to people who cannot afford it. I am grateful that I've never had to use a rag to stem a monthly flow nor had to wash that off for re-use. I know that was graphic but this is a vast majority reality and with the increased economic issues, more and more people are experiencing period poverty. I am helping to raise awareness on this working with Mission Enablers who primarily supports missions. I have been quietly supporting this project as well as others related to women's health issues. I was conflicted about sharing this but I am hoping to amplify the reach, Kindly consider giving below, you can reference Ourwombs if you'd like or not, sha give...don't let Buhari's economy stop you from being great!! Sigh...
That will be all for now... till next time.
I remain your humble servant, Nnenna.
I chuckled here. This is the lie that politicians tell and it never ever ends well.
Toddles.
*Forgive all typos and the likes. It's not easy typing on one's phone.