Hi everyone, I trust you are well and the weekend is off to a great start. I feel like shit, battling demonic sore throat and allergies. I was going to skip writing today and binge on Netflix, but I had strong armed EG into telling her story. She had a long week and wanted to share another weekend but as I said, no is my least favourite word so, I woke up to her forty five minutes blow by blow voice recording. So thorough and raw is it, that it energized me to get out of bed and write. EG will be anonymous, she prefers to keep things under wraps so she can share her journey as privately as she chooses. Shall we begin?
When your journey involves so many elements, where to begin is often the hardest part. EG begins her sharing in 2017 with fibroids, but as my job is to curate her story, I shall go back in time to 2007 when she first noticed something unusual and then I’d push forward.
In 2007, Living in the UK, EG started experiencing hot flashes, heart palpitations that felt like her heart was racing, weight loss and other symptoms. A quick visit to the doctor will lead to a diagnosis of Hyperthyroidism. Hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid) occurs when your thyroid gland produces too much of the hormone thyroxine. It affects about 1% of women. She was prescribed medication to manage this condition and given all the support needed including therapy to help deal with mood swings, flyers, group support and more. This condition was managed adequately until she moved home in 2009. You will see why this condition matters later but let’s head back to 2017. EG started experiencing really heavy periods, prior to this time, her periods were light and about two days long so, a longer cycle and more bleeding was worrisome. It got so bad that she would be sore “down there” and her body was rejecting the super plus tampons she had taken to using. She uses down there often to describe her vagina, but you know me, I am trying to decriminalize the word so please, vagina is what I shall use. Anyway, Fibroids never crossed her mind. She says, “I mean you hear about fibroids but it just seems far from you”. She scheduled a gynae visit to seek help, The gynae asked her, what do you think the issue is? She replies, If I knew, I wouldn’t be here. What a foolish question, hiss. A scan was carried out which showed multiple fibroids and massive bleeding. The doctor promptly asked if she would like to have surgery the following week, just like that, no time to process what she had just heard. I’d bet my left breast that the hospital was Reddington. This was my exact experience. Those people have zero decorum. She left the hospital feeling confused, alone and not sure who she could confide in.
She continued to experience heavy flows while she contemplated her next steps. She describes an episode where she was bleeding so badly that she went into the bathroom at work and just sat on the toilet bowl, bleeding out. What was the point going back and forth every few minutes for a quick change? Finally, she musters the strength to go back to her desk. Not quite two minutes afterwards, she walks up to get stuff done and was informed by her male colleague that she was stained. She burst into tears. She recalls another incident, while away on holiday to idyllic Morocco and looking forward to all the fun to be had. She was in excruciating pain “down there” and could barely move about. One morning, she woke up to white sheets splattered with red stains. She collapsed on the bathroom floor in her hotel in tears, desperately asking God to take away this shame, pain and heal her. It seemed her prayers were answered, she experienced less pain and incidents, but was she healed?
In 2018, she moved to a different country for work. She underwent the compulsory medical tests, and nothing jumped out on the results. No fibroids in a regular scan although she’d get a uterine scan done afterwards and it would pick up the fibroids albeit shrunken. A new problem had emerged, she was now experiencing months of no periods at all. Once a quarter is what she averaged. She was convinced she was pregnant, she’d even ring her ex boyfriend to inform him of the parting gift he had left her with. She also experienced weight gain and all but alas, this was from new city flexing, she was not pregnant. She had no periods, no pain, no pregnancy and was low key happy. I mean, this must have felt like a break from all the drama.
In 2019, she started experiencing renewed hot flashes. The kind of flashes that made people question her normalcy and tease her at work, she was known for her internal heating system and “personal summers”. She took to going about with a small remote- controlled fan for comfort. She was sleeping with air-conditioning and fan, she suffered hair loss - large clumps coming off when combing, she was experiencing dry eyes and more symptoms. She went to visit the doctor who carried out a series of test - Thyroid tests came back fine, she was asked to do an AMH test which checks a woman’s ability to produce eggs as well as FSH test which can help diagnose when women will naturally stop having their period, which usually happens after the age of 45. These results came in low. Normal range for women who are menstruating is between 4.7 to 21.5 mIU/mL, EG’s test result was below 0.5. In short, EG was menopausal. Egg production had wound down. The doctor was clearly distressed by the result, asking all the questions possible - Do you have children? Do you want children? EG was 35 at the time. She says she was confused yet composed. She was placed on high levels of progesterone and estrogen to help her bleed. She had minimal bleeding, not enough to be considered a cycle.
She got used to living with these symptoms. She tells a story of presenting a work conference when she worked away, all eyes on her naturally and then the hot flashes begin. She was sweating profusely in a room where temperature were good levels. The embarrassment and the teasing from colleagues continued. She was getting constant headaches such that she got a CT scan done, she was not sleeping well as she had to get up to regulate the temperature often, she dressed accordingly - layers, for differing temperature. As her quality of life was being disrupted, she again sought medical help. The doctor was quite forthright, what do you want to do? Why are you not married? Are you ready to try for children? No, she replied. Please come back when you know what you want. It came out harsh she recalls, she left there feeling really low in spirit. She believes language barrier may have made it seem harsher. I think raw facts are harsh.
Let us talk about navigating love life with these issues. When do you lay your cards on the table in a new relationship? EG started a new relationship just as Covid broke out. She did not feel emotionally secure enough to share immediately. She’d subject the lover to Icelandic temperatures, prompting him to question if she wanted to kill him. She hid the medications she was taking from him, but one part could not be hidden, Vaginal dryness. This is a side effect of menopause, action in the body dries up - Sigh. She had to embrace lubes but imagine explaining this to a new man and opening up about all other issues. Thankfully, her man was supportive, and this is no small feat. Adoption and donor eggs are conversations you have early in the relationship she says, I am guessing if one isn’t mature, this can spell doom. It is important to build intimacy in the start of relationships before sharing these things. There is also the added pain of literally spelling things out since most men are ridiculously clueless about the female body. How does one find the balance on when to share? I am thinking out loud.
EG’s biggest grouse has been finding information about the issues she faces. The internet has been her source for information. This is not a commonly spoken about issue especially with young women but surely our mothers could have done better. I need to get my aunty to share her journey, her menopause was so severe that she ended up in India for weeks under close watch. Even then, it was hush hush. Something that all women will face. EG states that she has not intimated her mother of these happenings too, she would rather let her worry about other things. I understand this, my mother and her drama would kill me before anything else if I mentioned such a thing. I remember telling her I was diagnosed with fibroids, she was crying “who did I offend”. I found the whole thing bizarre, the fibroids were in my body but its your offence? Oh, she asked me to use wisdom to share my surgery journey with my lover. Lol, I believe I told him on day 1, Okay not day 1 but early enough, not sure what there was to hide sef, it is these kinds of statements that annoy me to no end. I really enjoy “traumatizing” him with these women issues by the way. His reactions are hilarious.
EG stumbled on a podcast by Michelle Obama speaking of this issue so openly, it was aptly titled “What Mama didn’t tell me” Or so. She was in tears at hearing all her symptoms spoken about so freely. It is abroad that someone is hearing about what is doing her in Africa. SMH. Where are we now on her path? She again had a series of test done earlier this year with the same results. No egg production. The doctors have informed her that she would need assistance in having children. She has been prescribed a cocktail of progesterone and estrogen which both have side effects of their own including osteoporosis and cancers. She has chosen a natural supplement for estrogen which helps with the hot flashes and tries to live in the moment. I ask her how she is really feeling. I wish the symptoms - Hair loss, headaches and hot flashes would just disappear like they did with the fibroids but, we now know that was a false disappearance since something else was going on. I do not have the faith to pray that this situation changes. I am open to adoption, and I share this early when I start dating. I want more people to talk more about early and premature menopause. I do not see people around my age group dealing with this, most forums online are over 40s/50s. The other day, my friend who is 45 was complaining about cramps, I could not relate or share…she trails off.
She leaves off sharing here. It is ongoing…It is a lonely journey.
Thank you EG for sharing. I will continue to be astounded at what people are going through quietly alone. I mean close enough people that you get a sense of what’s happening in their life but what is happening inside their bodies? EG darling, you are not alone. We are all here and rooting for you. I always find the right words hard to end such a write up. I’d leave it at I am humbled you let me tell it, and I am sure we all consider it a privilege to share your journey with you. If anyone is going through a similar experience or knows anyone who is, please email me at hello@ourwombs.com so EG can have some support and I am sure it will cut across both ways. For everyone reading, regardless of your journey. You are not alone, do not be afraid to speak out. Do keep sharing these posts and encouraging one another. It is more important than you think. Thank you for reading and I’d catch up with you all next week. X
Awww! These stories! EG, you are definitely not alone. God is with you, and we are here for you. Nnenna, a meet up soon? Don’t you think? Lol.
Quite a journey. Thanks and well done Nnenna 🤗