Hi everyone. Hope you all had a fantastic week, and your weekend is off to a great start? I had a good week, restful and better still I am healed of whatever crap was doing me last week. Look, I was over that fatigue and heart palpitation and Jesus did it so, I am super pumped to be writing from a place of chill. This week will be a medley of gist. A light post to cheer you all up I hope, you know you need cheering up if you live in Nigeria. So, let’s go.
Diet update
Let us start with that diet. It has been a struggle. A real real struggle. Somedays, I look in my pantry and freezer and want to pull out my hair, blandness everywhere. Ewedu juice is all I ever thought it would be, yucky and nasty! Surprisingly, I am in love with bitter leaf juice. I cannot believe I just typed that sef. The first time I tried it, I was ready to swear for the whole world but something beautiful happened that night, I slept eight hours straight. I could not recall when last I did that. To put things in perspective, I suffer mild insomnia and I am nocturnal. This means that by 9pm when most people start running low on energy, I start vibrating with energy. I cannot explain this, no matter how exhausted I am from the day, if I do not force myself to lie down, I quite literally start doing things ordinary people do during the day - Like cleaning, cooking, laundry, and sundry. My typical sleep time is 2am and even at this, I listen to audio book sleep collections to help me drift off. I have some pretty interesting sleep aids to help when things get too prolonged, and my body needs to shut down like CBD with Melatonin and Lexotan. So, imagine taking bitter-leaf juice and going to bed naturally and not waking up a gazillion of times for no reason, not even to pee. It was a revelation and I highly recommend if you struggle with sleep.
To make this juice, blend the leaves of the plant in some water for ease, strain the pulp out with a sieve and you are good to go. I use a muslin cloth for this as I want to get it as fine as possible. It is a messy business as bitter leaf foams like mad, but I reckon it is worth it. Added benefits of this juice? healthy bowel movement ;-). I mean, a no brainer.
Mushroom Palaver
Last week, when I was feeling all sorts of shitty, I decided to cut out all the supplements I was taking (see image below for just a section.) A day or two after, I started feeling my energy levels come back up. I figured the red mushrooms which is the latest one I started might have been the cause. You would think that someone who decided she might be reacting to this particular supplement would give mushrooms a wide berth but no, not me. I had a shitake mushroom stir-fry for lunch that very day since I am trying to cut out meat. I even served some to my lover and shortly after, the following conversation ensued.
Me: How are you feeling?
Him: I am good babe.
Me: Are you sure? You do not feel funny?
Him: Nope, I am good. Proceeds to blink rapidly.
Thirty minutes after, feeling like I was high on something. I was woozy and let us just say I am familiar with what a high feels like so I knew something was wrong.
Me: HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Him: To be honest, I feel odd, like I am floating. I think it is the mushrooms.
Ah, I said you see yourself this girl, you have poisoned somebody’s son. The associated paranoia that comes with being “out of it” set in. I started googling “Can mushrooms make you high? Can you overdose on mushroom? Mushroom poisoning etc. Now I am avoiding that thing entirely abeg, I cannot shout. When I mentioned this to my regular doctor, he laughed ehn. He said I hope you know that your nutritionist is not an endocrinologist and cannot say how you will react to all these things, you better respect yourself. Self has been respected.
Armpits Detox
A few weeks ago, I noticed I was sweating unusually and had a funkier smell going on. Nothing unpleasant just different. As I have mentioned, I have been on spirulina supplements which has powerful detoxifying properties. This new smell arrived when the doctor upped my intake from six tablets to twelve in a day. Of course, as I thought I was smelling funkier, I was loading up on antiperspirants/deodorant and perfume sprays and my goodness, I was sweating like the proverbial Christmas goat. One morning, I woke up feeling like I ran a marathon in my dream, I could not function abeg. I got up and decided to freshen up from the dream and as it was too early to be spraying things up and down, I reached for one of the essential oils on my dressing table, Clary sage. It neutralized that awful metallic type of smell and there and then, I had a lightbulb moment, I was going to go off traditional underarm products. It has been almost a month and I have mixed feelings.
That I stuck to this for so long is a miracle, the first few days were tough. My brain has been wired to spray something under my armpits after a shower or a fragrance spray for the freshen up. So, putting a few drops of super strong oils under my armpit felt like I was clowning, I was obsessively sniffing myself. Yet, I would go to the gym and lift hard and not have any funky smell after. I could not believe it and so the affirmative decision was made, I can do this. A disclaimer please, I spend large parts of my day indoors o, if you are going up and down in Lagos, please help your fellow Lagosians out and use something strong. We already have too many issues here to be dealing with BO again. Hahaha
Why Clary sage? I came across this when I was trying to shrink my fibroids naturally. It is purported to help with menstrual cramps and growths. I bought a 50ml bottle and would mix with another carrier like coconut oil to apply on my lower abdomen. Essential oils in their purest forms are super strong so should be watered down to avoid burns. I can’t tell you if it did anything for the fibroids because I was not consistent, but I liked the smell. Extensive reading showed that it was used in ancient times as a perfume and still remains a perfume based till date so for now, it is my under-arm saviour while I await the stash of natural deodorants I ordered from the abroad. I also read that when you make the switch from traditional metal-based products to natural ones, the body will take about two weeks to get rid of toxin build up before you feel like whatever oils/organic stuff you are using is working. To speed up the process, an armpit detox is recommended. I howled in laughter the first time I came across this. Abroad people do not have real problems o. Armpit what???? Basically, a clay mask like you would with your face is applied to your pits to draw out impurities. I tried it sha, I really did, I mean I already had the ingredients for the mix in my house so why the hell not. I mixed bentonite clay with apple cider vinegar into a thick paste and slathered on for 10 minutes. I stood at akimbo like a scarecrow and waited. Whilst I waited, I thought of my life. How is this my life now? SMH. Again, I cannot tell you if it worked, I only discovered this a few days ago after over three weeks of going at things myself anyway but I am always happy to detox so I am good.
In looking for an alternative healthier long-term option, I came across so many articles possibly linking anti perspirants to infertility, hormonal imbalance, tumours, cancers and a medley of many unpleasant things. These things contain lots of chemicals especially Aluminum and Phthalates. Please do not take my word for it, read for yourself. Links in the underline above but for the lazy people ;-) that will not read anything, here are excerpts from the articles
“research suggests that aluminum-containing underarm antiperspirants, which are applied frequently and left on the skin near the breast, may be absorbed by the skin and have estrogen-like (hormonal) effects. It has been suggested that aluminum may have direct activity in breast tissue”.
Phthalates are linked to decreased fertility in men and women, miscarriage, and pregnancy complications. They are also linked to cancer and to intellectual and emotional developmental complications in children.
There is an interesting article to read here if you are curious enough. The writer switched to organic deodorants amongst other things and beat infertility twice after being told she could not have children. She also recommends several nontoxic choices to pick from as well. I went with the Native deodorants range. In this Buhari economy though, I have been asking myself why I am always typing organic, which is the synonym for expensive, in the amazon search box. It is like my village people are looking for ways to take my money or what. Fix it Lord. Health is wealth they said, more like health is expensive!
Things my friends say
I had lunch with some of my favourite girls yesterday. I did not want to leave; the gist was too sweet. A few ladies here have asked for a hangout too and I shall start thinking of planning it, even if it is virtual. I look forward to the unabridged versions of journeys that people will share. Here are a few hits from yesterday.
Once my husband calls that he is out having drinks with his friends. I know I am in soup that night. I automatically check my tracking app. No need to be telling stories 9 months later. We are currently using the “withdrawal method” for birth control.
Another one says, she automatically starts a prayer meeting/night vigil when she does not want unnecessary long stories. Loll, looks like feigning headaches is not that enough.
Why does the doctor always say “Congratulation, we are happy to let you know you are pregnant”?. Who told you I am happy to receive that news?.
I’d rather risk a zero-account balance than a pregnancy now. If I have no money, I can call a few of you ladies and money will come out but what will I do with a whole pregnancy? Who will I call?
We also talked about who the onus for birth control should rest upon. One complains of super heavy periods because of the coil and vaginal infections is a side effect of that as well.
I also shared that one of my biggest regrets is not doing a boudoir shoot when my abs were on flick before surgery and hormonal medications came and disrupted my greatness. This is my real goal now in this life o, I shall get back my abs back to a respectable place, take some really badass pictures like the one you were greeted in with this post, for my personal viewing pleasure and then let myself go. Loll. I mean not go like that, but you get what I am saying. That is how my friend whips out her phone and says casually “do you mean pictures like this”. You people!!!!! if you see these hot pictures that our eyes beheld, we were in awe. Plus, of all of us seated at lunch, she is the primmest so this was doubly shocking. I said, Ah I hope you did not just send it to your husband like a photo dump? These need to be released like once in a month for impact! She said nope, she sent one out when she received the pictures while he was working away, he moved his flight to come home! Ehen, that is what I am talking about. If someone’s son annoys you, just send it like five hours after not speaking. Boom! Take it.
Please God of abs, help your girl out.
That will be all my darlings, I am tired of typing abeg and I need food. Thank you all for reading and sharing your moments with me. I hope you all have a fun filled weekend. Toddles, X
Long read but never ceases to amuse. You write with just flourish. The many adventures & misadventures of Nnenna.