Hallos Wombers.
I hope you are all well and having a smashing week so far. I hear talks of an epic five-day weekend upon us. Good Lord, do it for your children!!! I am already chuckling as I begin writing this week’s story. It has been on ice since February so long overdue! Today I am sharing Chioma's quest for a baby boy. I do not mean to downplay this desire of her heart, but some of the things she shared had me howling in laughter. Shall we begin?
Chioma is my friend from way way back, she has the two adorable toddler girls. I honestly assumed she was done having children because that is the way of our generation, no? Two children and finito. If it is one boy and a girl, even better! Well, my assumption was dead wrong. On a recent catch-up call, she mentions she is trying for more children, boys, specifically twin boys! Ah, tell me more…and thus we have our story of the week. The real shocker was when she mentioned about getting advice from my sister who recently had a boy after three baby girls. I screamed, Idonbelieveit! My sister had us all believe that her last pregnancy just happened, Lol…kind of like those funny phrase people used in the olden day…I fell pregnant, I took in…but alas the girl was actively trying to have a baby, specifically a baby boy! Wonders will never end. Trust no one 🤣.
I feel one kind about this, I believe in chasing the desires of one’s heart but are we testing fate as well?
I have an older family friend who agreed two children with her husband and then went on to have two girls. She will not let the man drink water in his house in peace, she wanted another baby, a boy. She begged, cajoled, blackmailed, cried and he kept saying no, he had figured out his finances and had set aside college money for Ivy league schools in America no less, he was DONE! Well happy wife is a happy life they say, Aunty made the house really uncomfortable till he gave in for peace’s sake. Sharp sharp, belle enter, healthy easy peasy pregnancy and finally 20-week sex check in, Congratulations you are having a baby girl! Hahahaha. I am laughing now but it wasn't funny, She became depressed, listless, morose, refusing to eat or get out of bed. When it got super bad, her husband called her father to report this matter and promise that he will be returning her and the bride price should anything happen to the baby in the womb. Today, they have four children, a boy being the last, because a woman with a plan is a BEAST!!
Next up, another interesting story I heard. Similar case, two boys this time I believe, and they were trying for a girl. Again, they had agreed on two children. Well the next pregnancy was…drumroll….TRIPLETS. 😄 Ain’t nobody telling them congratulations in this Buhari economy.
Okay okay, enough! In case you read all the above and you are trying and like whatever jo, just say what needs saying…read on. Let us get into the insights Chi shared on how to get a desired sex of child at pregnancy! First a disclaimer, this is still a work in progress for her too, if you try anything mentioned below and end up with say, a burnt vagina, don’t call me to say pim - nobody sent you message!!!!
First step for Chi was to seek the help of a gifted specialist, not a regular doctor she emphasises, someone who has helped tons of women conceive boys or desired sex in babies. The first question was "How often during ovulation do her and her husband have sex, everyday she replies. Well abstain for sex for two months. This ensures a thicker sperm with increased ratio of male to female chromosomes, apparently male chromosomes are flaky even before they fertilize eggs (no surprises here 🤣🤣) and die faster than female. She said she has tried this a couple of times and is still at it. That’s sex six times a year by my calculation. Nah, Miss us with this advice!
Next stop, a visit to her gynaecologist, so an actual doctor this time, well abstinence was also preached here, plus no sex when ovulating. Instead, have sex morning and night three days before and after for ovulation till your period arrives to increase probability of conception This is a general idea not for sex selection but for optimal chances of conception.
Now here is the one I cannot wrap my mind around. Baking soda douche!!! Basically, inject a mixture of 2 tablespoons of baking soda in 32 ounce of warm water into the vagina just before sex, this makes the uterus alkaline and receptive to the male sperm which thrives in alkaline conditions. I absolutely love writing here, what will my ears not hear biko! I googled this and apparently it is a thing, for increased fertility and helps prevent bacteria. I have linked all the underlined for further reading. Wonders shall never cease! Please is baking soda not fizzy? My mind imagines the mixture fizzy-ing and gas-ing up the womb and then sperm hits fizz resulting in a chemical reaction explosion inside😁.
On to sexual styles! It is advised that a rearward facing position is adopted…AKA “the doggy”. This provides a better opportunity for male chromosome carrying sperms to be deposited right into the uterus, skipping the tubes and all those other time wasting swimming business. These sperms sure need special attention ehn. For female, “missionary” will do. I can’t even opine here, I lack words. Let me keep things moving along.
Men should also take a baking soda mix to increase alkalinity of the sperm. Half a tablespoon of baking soda mixed with water is the recommended mix. They can also try lubricants high in alkaline for added benefits. She chuckles here and says crazy stuff, right? Yes Chi, this whole thing is super crazy, to put it mildly.
Next, Good ole African Yams which has been long touted as an aid for multiple births. “I don chop better yam tire, nothing happen she says wryly.
Use the Chinese Calendars. Apparently, the ancient Chinese people believe there are months that increase chances of male/female conception. Sounds super astrological and mystical to me but my sister highly recommended this one. SMH.
Increase your vitamins level. She is taking liquid COQ10 since it is absorbed faster and following the supplement recommendations of the “It starts with the eggs book” which I recommended here. Everyone should be taking vitamins anyways, particularly Flaxseed to boost estrogen and collagen. As she is trying for multiple babies in one pregnancy, she wanted to try Clomid which is an over the counter medication here in Nigeria but banned in the EU and US because of links to birth defects in children, so she skipped this. If you are reading this and possibly considering this medication, skip it too abeg. If you have taken it, I’d suggest a hard detox with lots of greens, Celery, spirulina and possibly going vegan to let the body heal. I am just saying what I’d do.
Finally, use tracking apps (she uses the Flo app) which helps identify peak ovulation period. This should be when your vaginal discharge is the thickest, not slimy. In case that is not graphic enough she adds, when the discharge is touched, it should be rubbery enough to stick to one part of your finger. Also, your saliva will be at the thickest. She is laughing here in her audio, I did not laugh along, I was too shy to laugh sef. Somebody will just go up and down feeling themselves up and spitting about, what a wow!
There you have it all, the gospel according to Chi who is douching away, Chinese calendaring and adding prayers to the mix. She concludes, I know I will testify with a laugh. Well Hallelujah somebody!!!
I do not have any witty sign offs; I have been outwitted by this writing. As always, thanks for reading, sharing, and engaging with the posts. Keep sharing so we can learn from one another, follow on @ourwombs and love the life you are living, it is the only one you’d get…Toddles
Hahaha the title is 👌🏽. Glad I cracked everyone up. Lol. Very interesting read indeed. Welldone Nena. Can’t believe I never posted my comment.
This is just crazy funny. Got me howling. Mehn that baking soda bit is not for the faint hearted. Major corrosion about to happen. I didn't understand the men's version though. What was prescribed for them? Are they to drink the thing?