Hi everyone, it has been a minute (I hate this expression of speech, why not just say, it has been a while?). Life is happening and I am embracing it so it means not always being on top of all I want to do but I keep going. Today I am incredibly honoured to share Toju’s journey with you all. Toju and I have the vivacious Mobola as a mutual friend so, we have had many shared moments and I have heard snippets of her journey. When I asked her to share last week, she was ever willing, and what a journey it has been. It is heavy, it in gut wrenching yet it is so beautiful. Shall we begin?
Toju begins chronicling her journey from when she was younger and began experiencing stomach issues. She was in and out of hospital often. Ulcer was mentioned so was hernia, but no concrete diagnosis was arrived upon. The doctors tried to place her on a restricted diet with medication to settle her stomach, but she admits she never did eat well to begin with. She would subsequently develop anaemia and hypoglycemia which led to dizzy spells, feeling lightheaded almost to the point of passing out. The doctors also diagnosed vertigo, which is defined as dizziness that creates the sense that you or your surroundings are spinning or moving. She was placed on Iron tablets and Stugeron to help balance the dizzy spells. Toju also mentions motion sickness in cars especially if she tried to read or picked up her phone to get anything done. It would lead to experiencing severe head spins and she would place her head between her knees to quell that. Whilst these may seem a lot, she was for the most part super healthy, having no issues with her periods and none having children when she was ready. The one thing I pick up as I listen to her share is how often she mentions stress and it is not hard to see why if you know her journey. She says “some people say this stress might have contributed to the turn of events, but I do not think so, I will leave you to make sense of it.
She dives in deep from there on, Dapo (her husband) was fighting cancer and she was his primary care giver. He was undergoing chemotherapy and radiotherapy. The doctor had advised sperm freezing if they still wanted more children as the treatments would affect fertility. They had two children at the time and decided not to try for more children so did not go through with this option. In 2014, Toju got pregnant despite the odds, but she was advised strongly against keeping this pregnancy due to the prevailing situation with her husband health. Apparently, research also showed that lab animals with similar cancer strains bore off springs with brain damage or congenital deformities. Toju made the decision not to keep the baby and focus on helping her family heal.
A decision was then made to undertake serious birth control measures to avoid “stories that touch”. She had tried the Copper IUD prior to this time and had all the adverse effects uncommon in the 99% of women who try this option. She absolutely did not want hormonal birth control, and as she shares, she muses out loud that a vasectomy should have been the way forward after all they were not really having sex considering the circumstances. She opted for the implant, one of those slow release variants that goes underneath your skin. She experienced no major changes in her body in the first year of placing the implant in. It did affect her periods which became irregular and light, but nothing untoward. By the second year, she started experiencing heavy flows, intense cramp pains, bleeding nonstop, she says essentially there was no cycle; just bleeding, which came out in clots. It was so embarrassing; blood was always everywhere. She remembers she would sit on the toilet bowls for hours in confusion, it was a a terrible unwelcome mess she to deal with whilst looking after an ill husband and taking care of her children. Unfortunately, this meant she could not prioritize herself as this was the least of her problems. “Why didn’t I just take it out in hindsight she wonders out loud”, but she admits that she was on auto pilot and going through the motions. “I was the only strong person in the family, I could not afford to break down”… until she did…. Her daughter had taken ill and had to be taken into the hospital. While tests were being carried out on her, Toju passed out. She was rushed to the emergency ward, placed on IV drips and tests were carried out. When she came to, the doctor was worried. Madam, I do not know where to start he began, what is going on in your life? The only thing she could say was I am really stressed out at the moment.
Toju had kept her job which she describes as a highly stressful one, she was travelling every month for her husband’s cancer treatment, she was his full-time nurse, the emotional strain of dealing with a spouse with a terminal illness was extremely high added to the task of caring for her children. The doctor empathized with her but was clear that this was beyond stress, while trying to dive deeper, he asked if she was on any medications…then he mentioned birth control, she nods, Yes. Well, you need to take it out immediately, it is killing you. It is literally sucking blood out of you, If I compared your medical charts with the average person’s chart, it would be worlds apart. Frankly I do not know how you have not died in your sleep he finishes off. People are on the implant all the time she counters; well people react differently he further counters... You are not just bleeding out; it is also messing with your organs inside. His advice was to schedule the time to take it out immediately. She followed this advice and took it out in June 2016. Dapo died in September 2016. Let’s not talk about that she says. May His soul continue to rest in peace. Amen
On June 12th, 2017, a year after she took out the implant, she woke up and a felt a lump in her left breast. She was surprised; it was not there yesterday, how does a lump just appear in 24 hours? I have experienced lumpy breasts in the past only when nursing and afterwards the lumps dissolve, but this felt different, this was hard as a rock and sat there unmoving and painful, making its presence known. My mind went to cancer immediately she says. She went online researching and of course read all sorts of panic inducing diagnosis (This is always a terrible idea). She then phoned her friend who opined that it might be due to increased exercise, muscle spasms and the likes. Finally, she went to the hospital to have it checked out. At the hospital, the doctor carried out a manual inspection, pressing into the lump and some horror black fluid came out of her nipple. The doctor mentioned the word biopsy and Cancer…You can still hear the awe as she says, Nnenna, I was ready to die… my husband had just died less than a year ago and now, there is something horribly wrong with me. I was in shock for days, I was floating, if there was anyone not supposed to see the insides of a hospital let alone a cancer ward for the rest of their lives, it was me, I had been inside for 4 years straight. I was not going back, my mind was racing, I was a zombie. There are no words to describe the feeling of intense fear and dread, I was always crying. This was hard to listen to as I transcribed, I felt every word she said in my bones…
Toju was then scheduled for a series of test. She repeats tests upon tests, upon tests to emphasize just how many tests she had to undergo. She had loved ones around her and she tried to be upbeat but she admits it was tough. The results eventually came back in - Stage 4 breast cancer, which had spread quickly. The section had to be removed, mastectomy to take out the entire breast as well as chemotherapy immediately was the recommendation. She was devastated, “I knew what chemotherapy had done to Dapo, I was clear that I was not doing that. The doctors informed her that this was not an option as the cancer would ravage her body. It could only be managed with chemotherapy in the hopes of a remission but to do nothing was impossible. Toju decided to seek a second opinion abroad before deciding on next steps. She then shares this “I tell my story of battling cancer with my late husband and myself enveloped into how God gave me victory and helped through all hiccups. I notice you write Ourwombs more from a health angle, let me know if you want to know more so I do not bore you with details”. I do not want to lose my train of writing, but let us not lose focus here, the focus is always God.
Toju arrived in London and went straight to consultation where an MRI was suggested to get a full picture. She had sent in all her results from the doctors in Nigeria, so the focus was primarily on the MRI results. That came back even worse than diagnosed in Nigeria. It was cancer for sure but had spread all over breast into lymph nodes and chest region. The doctors advised they run all tests again to be absolutely certain on next steps. The MRI had also flagged something strange. While cancer is largely a collection of abnormal cells, In Toju’s case, the cells were abnormal but not necessarily in a cancerous way, if anything they just looked more weird than normal. They were unsure if this was either a new form of breast cancer or a new disease altogether, so another biopsy was carried out from a separate side of the breast.
“A biopsy is painful but more traumatic than painful, she explains. It was emotional for me. I had always thought of my breast as part of my sexuality and identity as a woman, something to be preserved, so imagine having to expose myself repeatedly to different people, and the discomfort of the repeated pressing and prodding”. The second biopsy results buttressed the first, Cancer on one end but not in the entire breast so she was advised to remove the lump which would then be tested for next steps. It was also observed that the results did not align with typical stage 4 cancer. Toju was in low spirits, still adamant about not getting chemotherapy and had mentally begun to prepare for her demise. She says” I had spoken to my lawyers about my will and getting my affairs in order. Of course, family and loved one weighed in and tried to infuse me with the strength to choose life, asking her to think about her children. I was like “they will be fine and well looked after, Of course it is sad to lose daddy and mummy but they will be okay”. I suppose it take staring at death to begin to prioritize oneself. Lord have mercy.
The first surgery to take out the lump for testing was carried out. As she was gaining consciousness, she noticed everyone running about like in a Grey’s anatomy episode. She heard, Miss we must put you went under again as you are bleeding heavily and then blank. She would wake up again in post op under close supervision. Apparently, a vein had ruptured which was noticed post operation as the medical bag to check fluid retention was filling with blood. Her operation had been carried out by a visiting consultant who was driving off the hospital premises when this was observed. His mobile phone was still on silent, and he could not be reached. Staff had to chase down his car to get him to come back and resolve the matter. There was no other surgeon on call, and she could easily have bled out if they unable to get a hold of him. Strangely, she tells this part chuckling. She tells of her family and friends who were in the hospital looking at her like a ghost and begging her to please live. She was closely monitored for a few days and sent home pumped with medication. “I was always high and not myself for about three weeks. I was totally disoriented, and it was horrible so, I skipped my medications and embraced pain because I was hallucinating and imagining things.
When the results from the lump came in. It was confirmed for certain, stage 4 cancer and a full mastectomy was the next step. The doctors remained confounded by the oddity of the MRI results which showed cancer cells present in some parts but not in other parts. They advised another MRI with more poking and prodding to be absolutely certain as the results were unexplainable medically. The MRI results came in, irrefutably Cancer which looked like it had spread to the chest region even as all other tests showed different results. She was exasperated, I’d imagine that this was such a nightmare to live through. While processing the results and what needed to be done, she decided to get some fresh air and go for a walk. She describes a most a surreal encounter; Three white butterflies came in her direction and started flying around her. Each touched parts of body with one landing on her breast before flying away. She describes this as being a very spiritual experience which left her with immense peace and the strength to fight for her life. If you recall, she had made peace with death but began questioning why she should give in. In her words “I had suffered enough, I felt like there was more than just suffering, I began to believe God for healing, and I wanted it to be done in a manner that it clear that it was God who healed me miraculously. She would also learn that Holy Spirit often appeared as a white butterfly when she shared the encounter with her loved ones.
Toju had a successful mastectomy, and the lymph nodes which were taken out for testing post the surgery, came out all clear. Matter of fact, the entire chest out region thought to be ravaged, was clear. Unreal because two MRI had shown the presence of cancer in the lymph nodes and chest region. The doctors were shocked, concerned even, should she decide to sue for misdiagnosis or negligence. The doctor was emphatic that the mastectomy was carried out because the cancer had spread. The conclusion? This God you believe in, maybe He is true. Toju had experienced a miracle, the doctors say on cutting her open, it was like stage 0 breast cancer, that is one caught even before it became a thing. It was not a threatening stage 4 breast cancer as initially diagnosed so could have been treated differently. How did it go from stage four, prepare to die cancer to stage zero? God reversed the whole thing, she states emphatically. The doctor was so certain she would need chemotherapy that he had not planned for a reconstruction. Toju would never get chemotherapy. She spoke it, believed it and it was her reality.
Of course, life will still throw bananas at you. Toju had to have one final surgery (this is four now in case you are not counting) to the surgical site which was not healing with invisible sutures put in place causing hematomas. In her words, “I felt like I had been through the worst parts so I didn’t mind this last bit of surgery”. Good ole staple sutures were used this time and were taken out one month after. She was then given a prosthesis to wear till she was ready for reconstructive surgery.
It has been five years now since the surgeries. Toju is well and extremely grateful to God for super fast healing and she did not need physiotherapy as expected. She is yet to have reconstructive work done as she is not keen on the silicone breast options available and does not want to undergo extensive surgery for other options. “When I remarry, I can cross that bridge”.
She largely tells her journey with rare glimpses into her mental state in what was clearly impossibly hard times, so it is nice when she opens up about her embracing her body. “I did not like to look at myself in the mirror, I did not think I looked beautiful. It was a struggle seeing the scars, and it feels odd having one breast. I was also wary that people saw me primarily in a sad light. I had nursed my husband while he was terminally ill, I was widowed at a young age, I fought breast cancer and then I was grappling with having one breast. I also lost my brother in these times. I would disguise how I felt a lot, I wanted to be seen as a happy person. I am doing much better now, particularly this year. I want to get married again and live. As a family, we lived in fear that something bad would happen again, but for now, we choose Joy and God. I do not know how people that don’t have God cope?”
As she wraps things up, she remembers a key part of her journey. Whilst renewing her UK visa, she had specified travel date later in the year and the visa was renewed based on those dates as opposed to application/approval dates. She had gotten to the airport to board her plane but was informed her visa was not valid till July. She had a three- week window to wait for visa to be valid before proceeding to the UK. In this time, she sought homeopathic help. You can hear the passion in her voice when she says “diseases can be healed with food and herbs. Every food God gave the earth has healing benefits, herbs and all are in medicines after all, they are just manipulated with chemicals for potency and dosage”. She was given several herbal concoctions to drink. It was nasty, nasty, nasty. It made her vomit often and she lost weight from the frequent puking. She also began to pay close attention to her diet. The homeopath while trying to understand the root cause of her ailment, asked her if she had used birth control, which was a yes. Were you given any hormone replacement to reverse the hormonal disruption from the implant? No. It turns out you need hormone replacement after implant to replenish your vital hormones as this inversely leads to fibroids or cancers. It is not proven and more the opinion of the homeopath but, most hormonal birth control options have the little fine print section of adverse long term effect stating these which we all barely read. This is where she leaves trails off…
I am overwhelmed, it took a few days to write this post because I wanted to make sure I got every detail down right. I have no usual humour to cushion this post, I am just grateful Toju is still here. I recall with fondness now, her effervescence, energy and and one kind silly dance the last time we hung out. I am glad her energy still lives with us, and I truly believe that God is able to make a path of joy that leads straight to her, indeed I am speaking it forth.
Toju, I am humbled that you let us in. Thank you on behalf of everyone who reads this. If this spoke to you, please share so we can all celebrate Toju’s journey. Please share your kind wishes and thoughts and I will pass them on to her. Toju also writes more on her journey and life at www.deardapo.wordpress.com. Thank you for reading and keep going…
What a story!! We thank God for her miraculous healing.
I have experienced first-hand clear miracles that are undeniably God at work and so I am not at all a stranger to the goodness of God even in small ways. But this story struck me for many reasons - her willingness to share her pain, her resignation to whatever fate lay ahead, then the renewed faith, then the subsequent miracle(s). Some may read this and say But but she lost her husband, she lost her brother, she went through so much pain, but for me, in reading this story...the way the words were used, you can tell that she isn't just saying she's focusing on Joy, she actually is doing it and I pray that God continues to show up for her and for her children and that what she has gone through will continue to be a sign to her kids that God is indeed true and loves His own, no matter what it looks like on the outside.
(I truly didn't start off this comment wanting to type an epistle, but look at me. haha!)
Well written, as always, Nnenna...thank you for telling these stories.